Many things happened and there's still a long way to go. I don't know where I am standing and which road I am going to take. I am in this dark place just looking at the light out of nowhere. Pain seems to be my companion. I'm longing for happiness. Where is it? I already asked all the possible WHYs and I can't find the answers.
Since a long way awaits me, I still believe. I believe that happiness and true laughter will fall upon me - upon us. I still believe that on the other side a rainbow with great smile is waiting. It is not only me, not only my family, maybe there are other people out there experiencing more suffering and more unfortunate than us. It is not easy for me. What more with my mother? my father? They have been keeping things in themselves. Just seeing her like that makes us feel a great pain yet she's an inspiration to go on. Why such cruel disease choose her? Why in a 10 year old girl? Why she can't have a normal childhood days? Aghh.! I can't help to asked. She's a potential cartoonist. She don't go to school. They say there's no hope. She eats foods she doesn't like. She can't walk normally. She doesn't have friends - oh she's been claiming her bestfriend is Frijen, our cat. Hospital is her second home. Injections and medicines are just usual stuffs for her. I don't know how she can ignore other people's glances. It's been 3 years. The only thing I can do is to watch. But, she's still fighting. She knows her condition well, but I don't understand it. What more hard challenge will she undergo? What more statements of doctors will my parents going to hear? I can't imagine my mother's feelings. Knowing her child has cruel monster inside her. She's always been saying "sana sa akin na lang binigay." I know the feeling. It is beyond my imagination. I don't know already.!
I miss those days. 3 years before, we used to go to amusement parks, celebrate each others birthdays, celebrate Christmas with a happy atmosphere, going to church together. I used to be present always in reunions, outings and birthdays of my friends, active in school activities, a school leader, a writer, and an outgoing person. Now that I think about those days, It is really different. In 3 years time, it seems all change. I've miss wonderful things for 3 years. But I still believe we we will going to reach the other side. For now, we will look for the place where we can do best together, filling the bad things with good vibes. We will take things step by step. I'll definitely going to take back what I miss! Time and this suffering is molding me -us to a stronger person and for the coming years, i am going to take back all those things- My old self, our traditions and other stuffs. I want also to see her have friends, attend in JS Prom, to graduate, be in love, be married, have kids. I want us to go back to amusement park. I believe. I will. SOON.!! Wait for me-the other side that we are longing for!! I will stand firmly and say IT'S MY TIME!!
For me to be able to show a true smile, at least I cried million times. and SOON I will be able to show it!!
For me to be able to show a true smile, at least I cried million times. and SOON I will be able to show it!!
